Published December 23, 2009
O prison cell, surrounding me with bars like burnished spears,
In this silent tomb the echoes of my life are all I hear.
The key was buried long ago, in the world somewhere outside,
And the petals white have ceased to fall, ever since the day I died.
I would rather feel, once more, the sunlight's warm embrace
Than have the world's great nations fall and bow before my face.
The light lies dead upon the ground, and on my marble lips
I feel nothing but the frosty touch of silver twilight's kiss.
O lifeless landscape, cold and grey as winter's icy hands,
My soul has wandered far away to walk in empty lands.
Forever my voice is silent, since I drew my final breath;
Forever to sleep on this bed of stone in the dreamless sleep of death.
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This isn't even a nitpick, just my own warped opinion. I don't like the use of silver before twilight. I understand that you want twilight to be silver and not the kiss but it looks un-aesthetically pleasing right there.
You get what I mean, right? *doesn't know what she's talking about?*
Besides that, fantastic job. I agree with Snoink, you can tell us a little more about her, though I thought your poem ended very nicely.
All in all, great job and keep rhyming.
xxooxx
THe universe
Hey, Warrior Princess!
Nice use of imagery and stuff... it's really pretty! Plus, the rhyming was fantastic. This is a really solid draft. Now, consider adding more about her previous life! As I was reading this, I kept wondering, "Who was she to have such a lovely tomb? What did she do?" So I think you can definitely add more to this poem. It would be awesome.
Very nice! I felt real emotions when i read this, really liked it, keep up the good work!
The rhyming was done wonderfully. The poem was a wonderful tragic poem and it nearly brought tears to my eyes. Keep it up!
Wow... I just... wow... this was great! Loved it!
I couldn't find anything wrong with it >.< I love how you rhymed it. Most people don't (myself included) It shows how hard you worked on it in order to get it to rhyme! Good work! Keep it up! 